Brevity or longevity are not necessarily markers of a “successful” relationship anymore. A successful relationship is one in which you learn, and then apply, major soul growth lessons. One in which you get to a place where you never blame or credit the other person for your happiness or misery.

It doesn’t matter whether you stay friends after a breakup or never speak again. It’s about … did we complete our spirit mission together? What did we learn about love and life? Did we grow? There is no such thing as a “failed relationship” Every relationship gives us powerful gifts, tools and lessons. They are all mirrors of beliefs, programs, stories and potential inside us. And … yes ... the relationship with ourselves and the Divine is key and determines the depth and growth levels. But avoiding relationship? It will stagnate you. The same as never knowing how to be alone. Balance. Openness. Willingness. These are ingredients for happy & healthy connections. And to step up and dive in or walk away and let go, with as much love as possible.

The man who fears being possessed or owned by a woman can never give his heart fully. The woman who fears losing herself in a relationship with her man can never find herself fully. (Feel free to use whatever gender combos/pronouns apply for you.)

I once thought intimacy was attachment, engagement, communion, affection, shared presence, vulnerability, authenticity. Then I went in the other direction. I thought intimacy was detachment, overcoming desires, trying to give or receive unconditional love, lack of expectation, not taking things personally, not being needy, not having an object for your love. Now I see the eloquent and erroneous BS of ALL that stuff. Total fear ... with different faces. Both are equally illusions. The gushy sentimentality and the cold rationality. It’s none of that. It’s neither avoidance nor immersion. It’s letting it all be whatever it is and not judging it or trying to change it. For me the dance of true intimacy is not between you and your higher self or you and the divine. It’s not between you and another person. It’s not a war between mind and heart. It’s seeing all of that and holding it gently. It’s the dance that blooms from moving past these absurd isolating or codependent extremes. It’s the passion AND the compassion. It’s juicy and alive. It’s messy and delicious. And it also has ebbs and flows and learning curves. Crunchy-crackle and shimmery-sparkle.

Life IS relationship. We can make it easy or we can make it complicated. By finding our own intimacy style and evolving with that ... we grow. By learning and honoring our boundaries, we become limitless. When we wed our higher consciousness to our body awareness, divine and sexy sacred union happens. First within. Then reflected. So fall and rise in love. Don’t run from it or chase it. Don’t cling or repress. Just be with all of the versions of it and learn which ones feel best to you. Then go be that kind of love in the world. Because we do not need more theories, philosophies or stories. We need more application. Love in action. Devotion in motion. Though the stories weave us together and have an important place in inspiring action. So maybe we do need more stories. We just need ones that spur us and stir us, that ignite, delight and unite us.

Excerpted from Dear Human: A Manifesto of Love, Invitation and Invocation to Humanity by Courtney A. Walsh. Published by Findhorn Press.

Courtney A. Walsh, whose meme Dear Human went viral, has been a professional writer/editor/ author/inspirational speaker for fifteen years. With an extensive background in marketing, advertising, creative writing, film, cultural studies, and languages, Courtney co-wrote a technical report on the origins of the Statue of Liberty. Other accomplishments include a project for MTV and publishing several feature op-ed articles as a contributing writer for The Portsmouth Herald. She has created a successful career as a blogger, social media figure and professional speaker.