To straighten another, you must first do a harder thing; Straighten yourself.

Buddha

Somehow all of us are wired to judge others, and ourselves as well. As soon as we meet someone, we take full account of what they are, and what they aren't. We immediately feel what we like or dislike about them, or perhaps how they will or will not fit into our lives.

Even though we may only know the person for a few moments, the assessment comes automatically. Either we take a step closer to them, or quickly shut the door to our hearts.
Of course, not only have we now missed an opportunity to meet someone new, we do not know this person at all. All we know are our fantasies about them. We only know the way they cause us to react. We might know a little more about ourselves at this point, if we took the trouble to look.

But most of us do not realize a fundamental point: Whatever we reject in others is something we cannot and will not accept in ourselves. We have simply placed it upon the other and then make him or her pay the price.

During this time in our country of such intense divisiveness, this is a wonderful teaching to pay attention to. Rather than look at another as an enemy, a fool, a nasty person, let us turn the light around and look at ourselves. What is it in them you are rejecting? Can you find it also within? Can you first accept it in yourself as well? Can you realize this is the human condition that we all share?

When you are able to recognize and accept all aspects of yourself, you can then open to the vastness of others and become a true friend. You can then also easily see that all qualities are transient, with acceptance and recognition, everything will naturally transform into wisdom and love.

Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D.is a psychologist, author, long-term Zen practitioner, speaker and workshop leader. She has offered over 500 talks and workshops on all aspects of personal and spiritual development and creating authentic peace of mind. Her recent workshop, Steppingstones to Happiness, combines the Sedona Releasing Method, and the practice and principles of Zen. (Brenda is an original student of Lester Levenson, founder of the Method). www.brendashoshanna.com