When I started getting daily questions from curious Facebook friends regarding my single status and dating practices, I decided to write a list. After posting, however, it didn’t answer as many questions as it created! Quite frankly, I initially looked at it as an opportunity to share a rarely held view amongst my fellow baby boomers that included some time alone to grow and heal from a lifetime of old belief systems and unreliable habits. And that is just how it was viewed by some steadfast journeyers, but what I wasn’t counting on was a movement towards “dating celibacy.” Many agreed that the scene left them frustrated and beguiled. Others, though, did not agree. In fact, something else I didn’t count on; losing a few male “friendships” over it as well. Irrespective of those challengers, the support I received was overwhelming, and I thought it was worth sharing.

Reason #1: I don't like to shop.­ Going from website to website and searching for a man like a pairs of shoes...it's not my style. And I figure, if I have been attracting the wrong men into my life for over 40 years now without a computer, imagine how many wrong men I will attract once exposed to the enormous data base on the internet…WOWZA!

#2: Expectations wear me down. Go out to dinner with a guy twice and he starts to look at you like the piece of cheesecake he wants to eat for dessert. Some men need to know what's under your clothes before they care what heart and mind is under your skin. My thinking...it should be the other way around.

#3: I like to play card games, not dating games. "Will he call?" "Does she like me?" Trying to figure out what is on each other's mind is such an energy waster and self-esteem buster! Why we put ourselves through such nonsense is beyond me.

#4: The odds are against us! I always tell guys, "Let's get to know each other without the dating pretense. I would rather be your friend forever than your lover for fifteen minutes!” Their droll comeback, "I usually last longer than that." My earnest response: “Perhaps, but it’s not the time during I’m concerned about; it’s the time after.”

#5: Most people date because they like what they see. I don’t want to confuse love with lust. I'm too old to be interested in someone who is so handsome that I don't care if he acts like an ass. Integrity, intelligence, lifestyle, sense of humor, sense of self, spirituality, family, and goals...if we have all that in common and he has nice teeth, I'm feeling the flutter.

#6: Call it intuition; call it faith; call it voodoo if you want, but I don't need to be taken out to an expensive dinner to find out if someone is right for me. Why spend hard earned cash or waste each other's time? I would rather cook a new friend a bowl of pasta, open up a bottle of homemade wine and talk politics. Now that's a way to get to know someone.

#7: I come “as is.” My past with men has left me…let’s just call it, “a little broken.” I've been gluing pieces back together for some time now, so I'm not sure what I'm going to end up as. My goal is to be an awesome human being. My current status: The glue is still drying.

#8: If we can’t be friends how can we be lovers? Seeking friendship first means we will never be wrong for each other! And if love is to follow, nothing will be able to stop its ascension...not even fear or a harrowing, drama-filled, barely-got-out-alive past.

#9: I am a handful! Ask any of my ex-boyfriends, and they will tell you, "You really have no idea what you are getting yourself into."

#10: Hooking up may be customary, but soul connecting is extraordinary! I would rather say yes to the later than no to the former. Bottom line, some relationships are just too valuable to me to be wasted on dating.

Donna Martini is a wellness coach to businesses, government agencies and NFP’s, as well as an activist, songwriter and author who promotes love, forgiveness and unity. She is host of “The Inn Between” on WCWP.org radio, and is currently appointed as both Lead Ambassador of Wellness for Nassau County and Planning Commissioner on the NCPC. Her promise to clients: “Give me an hour and I will change your mind; give me three and I will help you change your life.”