There is a great compulsion to define ourselves by rejecting others. Everywhere one group fights another, turns their back on someone with different views, races or religions.
We know another by labeling them, never taking a moment instead, to look into their eyes. But this is simply an external manifestation of how we treat ourselves.

We know another by labeling them, never taking a moment instead, to look into their eyes. But this is simply an external manifestation of how we treat ourselves.
We latch onto certain aspects of ourselves that seem acceptable, give it a label and identify ourselves that way. All the while, there are all kinds of feelings, voices, needs and hopes living within. Most are disowned. Not ever known. We hide from the different aspects of ourselves, dismiss and reject them. We do the same to those we meet in the outside world. Then we wonder why we feel lonely or empty? Not realizing we are not living from the fullness within. We are only living from a small part of ourselves, and never meeting the richness and beauty in others.

How to turn this around? Why not start with our relationships, which is a wonderful mirror to see ourselves in. A great teaching tells us that what we reject in others is something we cannot accept in ourselves.

Let us begin by noticing what we are rejecting, and look for it within. No need to fight or hate it. Rather let’s make acquaintance with our disowned selves. Listen to it, look at it, give it time in the light of awareness. Once something has a chance to be acknowledged and expressed it begins a process of growth and transformation naturally. And we also receive the inner energy that has been tied up in denial and rejection.

Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.D. is a psychologist, author, speaker and long-term practitioner of Zen meditation. Her work is dedicated to integrating Eastern and Western teachings and applying them to our everyday lives. Brenda is an original student of Lester Levenson, the creator of The Sedona Releasing Method. Her releasing workshop, One Breath Away (Releasing and Renewing Your Life) integrates Zen practice and principles, The Sedona Method and Brenda’s years of training and experience. She has offered over five hundred workshops and talks on all aspects of personal and spiritual development, living life to the brim and discovering authentic peace of mind. To learn more, go to brendashoshanna.com