Women's Sexuality and Spirituality
by Dr. Susan Gregg • Honolulu, HI

Sexual energy is one of the most powerful energies human beings can access, yet so often we waste it or misuse it. Many spiritual practices require celibacy, the religious community has very strict rules associated with sex and the AIDS epidemic has turned sex into one of those "just say no" campaign slogans.

We are not encouraged as children to discover what sexuality means to us. As women, for many centuries our bodies and sexuality have been thought of as unclean or sinful. Our sexuality is so much more than just having or not having sex, it is an intrinsic part of having a physical body. Unfortunately, for many human beings sex has become confused with the concepts of power and control.

As I look at the issue of sexuality, I find myself asking what society’s vision of sexuality, femininity and women as a whole says about my own interior landscape. As a child I still remember feelings of embarrassment as I stole into my bedroom with books about the facts of life my Mother had ‘hidden’ around the house. Even as a young adult I was unable to talk about sexuality with my Mother. Until the day she died my Mom would turn bright red whenever the subject was brought up.

When I first began my menstrual cycle, I was terribly embarrassed and confused. I literally hid under my bed because I felt I had done something wrong. In societies where sexuality is considered a normal part of life, things are very different. In many indigenous cultures, young girls are honored with a ceremony that indicates they have become women.

In some societies, women remove themselves from the tribe during their menses, but not out of shame. The women go to a special hut during this time to rest and use their energy to turn inwards. When ‘civilized’ men first encountered this custom, they assumed that the women were sent away from the tribe because they were unclean.

While you are bleeding is a time of power, one best used to reconnect with yourself and your spirituality. It is an important time to listen to your emotional and physical wants and needs. Are you tired? Do you need more rest? Do you feel lonely or unappreciated? On the first day of my cycle, I make space to feel my connection to my body and spirituality.

All of life is sacred, and I try to make all my activities sacred acts. When I live my life this way I feel connected, a part of everything and everybody. Occasionally I like to take a day of silence. The first time I did this I was amazed to see how much energy I expend communicating with other people,and at how uncomfortable the silence was. When I take a day of silence on the first day of my menstrual cycle, I find I have much more energy and stamina the rest of the month.

PMS is a huge problem for many women today, I believe because of our disconnection from ourselves and our bodies. The release of hormones prior to our menstrual cycle makes it impossible to continue to ignore or suppress our emotions. When I work with women with PMS the first thing I have them do is take a day off at the beginning of their monthly cycle. I also have them keep a journal, paying particular attention to their emotional and physical wants and needs. Usually, as soon as they learn how to take care of themselves at a profound level, the symptoms of PMS disappear.

As I found myself approaching menopause I began to look at my beliefs about this stage of my life. When I was a teenager my Dad sat me down one day and told me my Mother would be a little crazy for the next few years and I needed to be nice to her. That was the sum total of my knowledge about the subject. As I began reading, meditating and exploring the subject I realized what a gift menopause could be. In Native American cultures, women who had gone through this passage were honored for their wisdom and knowledge. When a woman stopped bleeding, they believed this meant that she held her wisdom and her power. Menopause is a time when a woman truly comes into her own, when her energy is totally her own, when she becomes whole. As I meditated, I also realized that it was a time for women to deal with any unresolved issues. I had to begin looking at all the ways I gave my power away to anyone or anything, or the emotional pressure to become whole would drive me crazy.

A shaman I studied with talked a great deal about the power of sexual energy. The moment of orgasm is incredibly powerful. At that moment a woman is wide open energetically and can access a great deal of energy. It is a also point in time when a great deal of energy is shared between partners. That energy can be love. Women frequently connect with their partners at that instant and lose energy as well as a little bit of themselves. My teacher suggested I make having sex a sacred act. If I did that and made it my intention to connect with my spiritual self and universal love, I would gain energy and deepen my connection with myself and the universe.

Several years ago I did a ceremony for a group. I created a circle with stones and placed a piece of paper under each stone. On each slip of paper I wrote a word like integrity, honor, freedom, and acceptance. As each woman stepped into the circle they were to celebrate becoming a woman. The rest of us were there to witness their joy and celebrate with them. After each of us had stepped into the circle we picked up a stone and the slip of paper under it. It was a right of passage most of us were denied as children.

No matter where you are in you life, honor your process and yourself. Give yourself a gift, take time for yourself, listen to your body and make every act in your life a sacred one. Gather a circle of women to honor your right of passage. Explore your sexuality and your relationship to your femininity and have the courage to throw out any old beliefs that no longer serve you. Celebrate yourself!

Susan Gregg has her doctorate in clinical hypnotherapy and is the author of four books, including The Toltec Way: A Guide to Personal Transformation. Dr. Gregg leads groups to various sacred sites, facilitates retreats in Hawaii and teaches online and teleclasses She can be reached at http://susangregg.com or sgregg@aloha.com