To everything… there is a season.

Autumn is here. That familiar crispness is returning to the air. As the nights get cooler, my sleep gets deeper and more luscious. Nostalgia and melancholy surface more for me now than at any other time of year. And, I find myself preparing for death– once again!

A part of me died when I left Dreams East in 1992, and again at the end of that year when I closed the doors of The InnerLight Center’s former space in Roslyn– what a great party we had to celebrate that ending!A few years earlier, an even larger part of me had died, with my spiritual rebirth, when I went from "Zed" to Swami Satyam Vijay, courtesy of my friend and deepest teacher, Osho. That was almost 17 years ago, yet I still have extremely vivid memories of the ceremony. Adopting a new name was not required, and at first I thought I wouldn’t. But, later I had second thoughts. Over the 8 previous years of association with him and his teachings, I had watched Osho come up with names for many friends. Now, as it was finally my time to take sannyas (disciplehood,) to make the statement committing my life to my spirit, I wondered what name Osho would come up with for me.I was not excited about dropping "Zed," the name given me by my parents, derived from and honoring my great-grandfather. Until my middle-teens, my adolescent desire to fit in and be more like my peers had me trying desperately to ditch it. Little did I realize that in giving me my birth name, my parents set me on a path of one of the most important spiritual lessons of my life, one I’ve continued to explore more and more: Recognizing, accepting and even– on good days– embracing the ways I’m different from most people. Accepting that has liberated me from trying to be like everyone else, while inspiring me to find out who I am...

So, it was not easy to let go of "Zed" when the time came. One of the premises of taking on a "spiritual" name is that it supports us in staying more in the present, helping us cut loose unwanted, past conditioning while reminding us of who we have become. To this day, I’m clear that “The Victory of Truth” (Swami Satyam Vijay) was and is a challenge, not a statement of accomplishment. In the days before my rebirth ceremony, I prepared myself by reading Stephen Levine’s Who Dies, which was very helpful. I’m thinking it may be time to pull it out again…

You see, Neil and Andrea now have two issues under their belts as Creations’ publishers. And, though I will probably be staying on with them as an editor, columnist and consultant, they are doing so well assuming their duties that pretty soon they won’t need me much for guidance. Thus, after almost 20 years, that part of my life will be freed up– to die, and be reborn again. But what will that look like?As I look ahead to October, I foresee probably the quietest month I have had, perhaps in my entire adult life. I will continue seeing a small number of clients privately; will lead my monthly men’s group; start preparing the high school tennis team I coach for its spring season; and do some organizational work for the P.E.E.R.™ workshops later this fall and winter.

Other than that, I’m looking forward to finally unpacking and reorganizing our home, not only from closing the former Creations office three months ago, but also from moving homes almost a year and a half ago. I’m also looking forward to sharpening my "zennis" game, spending more time with friends and community, getting into better shape (possibly?) and health, but most of all– slowing down, giving myself more time to breathe, and dream.

I figure I may have about another 15 to 20 years in the "working world." I expect I’ll be a therapist, facilitator or life coach (what I call my work depends on the legalities of the state I’m in) till I die– for good! There’s probably something else for me to do, too. It may be building up my private practice, offering more workshops, or writing more. It could even mean getting into something completely different, like teaching or working with young people in new and different ways.

I’ve even thought about getting into farming, growing organic blueberries, raspberries and blackberries. Maybe I’ll get into something I’ve never even thought about before! One thing I’ve learned is that you never know what’s going to happen to you– after you "die"…No matter what I do, there are some requirements I am clear of: It will be something that feels good to me, and something that I can do gracefully, with a minimum of stress: Been there, done that. Now, respecting my body, particularly my adrenal glands and my heart (and its wishes,) and being gentle with myself are the most important factors for me. And, of course, having fun too!

I don’t think most Americans consider these factors enough. Obviously, some truly don’t have that luxury. But most of those who do tend to sacrifice these priorities for material gain, status, and what we think will bring us power, acknowledgement and/or security. That’s a big part of why most of us walk around like "heads on a stick," as author John Lee would say. Since we’ve sold out our bodies and hearts, we live in our heads so we won’t feel the pain inside us. Unfortunately, as we detach from our ability to feel, we not only miss the unpleasant feelings, we also limit the ones we want to feel– like love, joy and peace.

The U.S. will be a better place when we broaden our concept of
"success" from the Donald Trumps, the George Bushes, movie stars, high-powered athletes, rock stars, etc., to include those who have learned how to really enjoy, savor and celebrate this precious life we’ve been given. That’s the path I’m choosing to follow this season. Maybe I’ll see you there along the way. If not, enjoy whichever path you choose, with love,

Your considered comments about this or other contents are welcome at: vijay@creationsmagazine.com