One of the book ideas that surfaced for me recently is to share some of the many lessons I have picked up from assorted groups and individuals over the years. One came from a Gestalt and Rubenfeld Synergy training I participated in 1992, led by Drs. Seena Russell and Karen Wexler. At the time, I was transitioning out of Dreams East, the store I had founded 11 years before and had nurtured with my partner and old friend George Gramaglia. George had helped found Creations and is now celebrating Dreams East’s 25th year. Besides editing and publishing Creations, I was also leading spiritual support groups, meditations and men’s groups at our not-for-profit learning center downstairs, The InnerLight Center.

I was deep in transition at that time– selling the store to George; making an unsuccessful bid to become an independent candidate for US Congress; and foreseeing that without Dreams East’s support, The InnerLight would need to shut its doors fairly soon. It was time for me to look ahead and re-create my life. I knew I wanted to do more one-on-one work with people. When I couldn’t find a program (outside of California or India) that felt good to me, I created my own. Along with the Gestalt/Rubenfeld training, this included trainings in Psychosynthesis with Richard and Bonnie Schaub and the P.E.E.R.™ Training with John Lee and Dan Jones.

Within 4 or 5 sessions our Gestalt Training group was bonding warmly. Then, someone informed Seena and Karen that she would be leaving the training. They asked her to come to one last session so the group could say goodbye. As that next group started, Seena announced this person’s leaving. My initial reaction was perhaps typically masculine: “Okay, if they’re leaving, let them go and let’s move on.” But as we started a little “goodbye ritual,” Seena spoke words that changed my life: This is a chance to say goodbye– and we don’t always get that opportunity! The truth in her words struck me immediately: Friends, family, lovers, pets, co-workers, all had come and gone, sometimes suddenly, sometimes gradually– usually without appropriate completion. I saw how this tended to deepen my grief, and make it harder for me to let go...

Soon after this experience, I incorporated "coming back to say goodbye" as a ground rule in my men’s groups. I also tried to incorporate it into my day to day relating with people, especially loved ones and other important people in my life. This meant expressing my feelings for them more– in words and actions. Today, it means keeping clear with the important people in my life– asking myself, If this is the last time I speak to or see this person, what needs to be said or done? What needs to happen to complete things for me? This practice certainly brings passion, intensity and makes life more real. I fully recognized its value a few years later when my mother died suddenly. Having shared my love, frustration and thanks with her did not make her passing easy– just much easier. What a blessing...

Now is another time of transition. 2005 is gone, 2006 is beginning. Creations has begun its 20th year in print, with new publishers. As doors close, other doors open. About 3 weeks ago, Neil, Andrea and I decided this will be my last Truth and Madness column for Creations. Since then I’ve been asking myself, How do I say goodbye to the Creations community? What’s left for me to say?

I’ve bounced around a lot about it. I’ve thought of telling you how much I love my relatively new life (almost 8 years) here in North Carolina. How blessed I feel to lie in bed in the morning and occasionally get to watch a mama and young male deer stroll through our backyard; How much more relaxed and peaceful I feel living close to nature, with hardly any traffic (for now anyway!) and where people take the time to be friendly with each other and strangers. That’s always been the way I wanted to live.

I could tell you that since we made the decision to "close this door," my private practice has nearly tripled and suddenly I’ve had to start a waiting list for a men’s group that has been struggling for years; How I recently began taking a Substance Abuse Certification Training, which will give me more tools in working with some clients and hopefully open up even more doors down the line; I could also tell you about how nicely P.E.E.R.™ is growing, and how our community is deepening. We now have active trainings in Asheville, NC as well as on Long Island and hope to be available in another city or two in the next few years; I could tell you that in a few weeks, I’ll start coaching the local high school tennis team for my 4th year. I’m especially excited this year, since I’ll get to coach two young men who are the sons of some of our closest friends– and they’re both great guys. What a treat!

I could tell you how blessed I feel to have attracted a wonderful, loving partner, playmate, sex goddess and friend into my life in Connie. In March, we’ll celebrate 10 years of being in love. Appropriately, we’ll be co-leading a P.E.E.R.™ workshop that day, since that currently provides our most profound forum for talking about, teaching and sharing love.

In doing some holyday shopping, I came across a motto on a plaque that we gave to our dear friend and brother, Dr. Garry D’Brant. We liked it so much we ordered one for our office, too. It reads: Let Your Life Speak. That feels like such an important message at this time in the USA. Sometimes I’ve wondered if the joyous, meditative, peaceful lifestyles we’ve been promoting all these years haven’t contributed in some way to a passivity that has let George W. Bush and the neo-cons overtake our country.

This is no time to be quiet or just bitch and moan. Open your mouth and/or let your life speak. Besides comedians like Al Franken, Bill Maher, John Stewart, Chris Rock and George Carlin, who is there to lead the dissent? Where are the statespeople and musicians to inspire us– as they did so powerfully in the 60’s and 70’s? No, not George McGovern, the Dead, the Airplane or Jackson Browne– I mean today’s rebels! What are they doing besides drinking Starbuck’s, being self-indulgent and depressed, or rappin’ rage and hate. Let’s go people, Bono and George Clooney can’t carry the ball by themselves forever.

Let’s summon up our passion, our humanity, our chutzpah– and become their reinforcements. The powers that be are getting away with murder– literally– here and around the world in our name. We must let them know this is unacceptable and wrestle the power back from them. We can do this with our votes, our protests, our dollars (i.e., stop buying SUV’s and supporting companies that ultimately create international ill will and pain like Nike’s foreign sweatshops.) We need to feed our minds health food. Put down that People magazine and pick up The Nation, The Progressive, Mother Jones, The Hightower Report or The Sun. Take some time out from rap, rock, talk or sports and tune into NPR, Pacifica or other thought-provoking media.

The powers that be count on us to be mindless sheep or perhaps overwhelmed ostriches, poking our heads into the ground assuming things will get better. Guess what? They are not. Nixon's health care proposals and environmental concerns of the 60’s and 70’s would be considered "liberal balderdash" today. These powers give us Super Bowls and mega-malls and 200 cable channels and 300 microbrews and cell phones so we can talk incessantly all day, and make sure we never have a moment’s peace to reflect and notice what’s going on around us. The days of the family farm are limited and small businesses (except law firms) are becoming a thing of the past. We’re rolling back civil rights and environmental protection to the days before we had any. So, this is not the time to be quiet. Take some risks. Be a little less popular, perhaps. Summon the courage to care a little less about what others will think of you– let your life speak– while you still have a voice! And, most importantly: Don’t ever forget you have a beautiful heart, too!

That’s about it for me. Not much left to say but Thank you: To Neil and Andrea for having the courage and good sense to keep Creations going and for providing me this chance to say goodbye. And to all the staff and contributors who helped bring each issue to life. To the advertisers and subscribers who put their money where their mouths are in supporting us. And to you, loyal readers, for taking your time and valuable energy to support us and provide me this forum to share my insights, truth and madness these first 19 years.

Oh, another thing: In case this is the last time his teachings appear in Creations, I need to pass on a few reminders from my old friend, Osho. His spirit and teachings inspired and guided me and Creations since its inception: Be Gentle with Yourself; and, Don’t take Life– or Yourself– Too Seriously!

I’m complete enough. If you’re not, feel free to contact me at vjwolf@charter.net or (888) 745-PEER. But, there’s one last thing I need you to know: Though I now sever another cord or connection with LI and NY, a piece of my heart will always be there with you,
with love,

Vijay Director offers ongoing groups for men and has a private consulting practice. He is also available for phone sessions.