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Normalizing Breastfeeding
I went to a new dentist two weeks ago. When filling out the paperwork, one of the questions was whether I was pregnant or nursing. I checked yes. Once in the examination room the dental assistant checked my forms and asked, "You're pregnant or breastfeeding?" I confirmed, "Yes, breastfeeding." She cooed a bit about how lovely and wonderful that is and went on to ask how old my child is. I braced myself before telling her that he is almost three. She furrowed her brow, "Three months?" "No," I clarified. "He will be three years old on May 30th." I swear to you that she gasped audibly before shaking her head and declaring, "That is not good!" I took a deep breath and decided that I really did not want to get into a debate about the benefits and normalcy of long-term breastfeeding while sitting at her mercy in a dental chair. I gathered all my strength to remain calm and kind and simply said, "Oh, it's good. It's very, very good!" She turned away from me then, shrugged her shoulders and said, "Maybe I'm wrong." I stayed silent but nodded my head. She was wrong. Not only about her uniformed and ignorant view about mother's breastfeeding their toddlers. But in thinking that she had any right to voice her incredulity and outrage about it to me; a mother who has given freely of her body, energy, and time for the past three years not because I enjoy doing so—in fact, it has been at times, one of the hardest things I have ever done—but because I know without any doubt that it has been, and continues to be, in the best interest of my son. My son who, in almost three years, has never once had an infection. He has never once been on antibiotics. He has never been without that which he has needed most in these first years of his life; a mother who has willingly sacrificed herself and her body time and time again to ensure that he gets what he needs. Be it nourishment, antibodies, or soothing, my body has miraculously produced for him all that he needs to thrive. And thrive he does. How in the world could that ever be "not good”?! Please know that this is in no way a criticism or judgment of any mother who has been unable, or chosen not, to breastfeed. We are all warriors and I respect you and your personal choices and journey through motherhood. It is simply the story of one woman (of many!) who has chosen to do it another way—the way that feels completely organic, normal, and sacred to me. And if we can normalize and respect those mothers who decide that using formula is best for them (or breastfeeding for a shorter duration) and their children, then certainly, we should be working to normalize and respect those mothers who decide that breastfeeding until their child(ren) decide they no longer need or want to is right for them. The time is coming when my son will choose to no longer nurse. The signs are already there. And in many ways, I am so ready for that day. In others, I am sad and know that I will feel the loss of the intimacy and connection that breastfeeding has afforded us. But when the time comes, it will be because my son is ready and not because some archaic societal view pressured me into weaning him prematurely. I share this with you to not only normalize (and respect a mother's and child's choice to breastfeed), but also in the hopes that we can stop judging and criticizing each other. Motherhood is at once the most glorious and arduous job in the world. My path could never look the same as another's. We are all unique, exceptional women doing our best on a daily basis to provide for, love, support, and champion our children to the best of our abilities using the tools and resources we have available to us. Let's commit to doing the same for each other along the way.
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