No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
- Eleanor Roosevelt

My coaching client Andy was in a relationship with a woman who constantly criticized, belittled, and demeaned him. As I got to know Andy, I saw that he constantly judged and criticized himself. I told him that he had “hired” this woman and relationship to amplify to a dramatic degree his self-judgments so he could face them, heal them, and let them go. The cutting edge of Andy’s emotional work was not with his partner, but with himself. As a result of this insight, he practiced lightening up on himself and relaxing his mental self-flagellation. Over time, the better he treated himself, the better his girlfriend treated him. His girlfriend was his mirror, and as he changed his attitude toward himself, the mirror reflected his inner changes. 

Who you see outside yourself and what they say and do to you are reflections of who you see inside yourself and what you are saying and doing to yourself. If you are loving and appreciating yourself, you will attract people and events that bless and honor you. If you are judging and demeaning yourself mentally and emotionally, you will attract people who do the same to you. Ultimately no one does anything to you that you are not doing or have not done to yourself.  So if you wish to change what is coming to you from others, the place to start is in the domain of what you are giving yourself.

I have seen many, many apparently miraculous changes in people’s lives when they upgrade their sense of self-love and self-honoring. I have seen many relationships, business scenarios, and health conditions transform literally overnight when the individuals at the heart of these situations transformed their attitudes toward themselves and the people and situations around them. Even a little experimentation with more love, forgiveness, and acceptance can yield dramatic results. 

Regard the world not as a force outside you, but a representation of the force inside you.
Are you open to shifting your attitude toward yourself so others shift their actions to you?
The more I love and honor myself, the more others love and honor me. 

Alan Cohen is the author the bestselling A Course in Miracles Made Easy. For more information about Alan’s books and videos, free daily inspirational quotes, online courses, and weekly radio show, visit www.AlanCohen.com.