What Women Deserve in a Relationship
by Joyce Vissell – Aptos, CA

lotus flower

It amazes Barry and me how many women are still settling for less than they deserve in their relationships. The women’s movement of the sixties has done much to liberate women in their careers. Fathers are now helping out more than ever with child care responsibilities. Women are crowding the health clubs and marathons getting physically strong and healthy. And yet in the area of relationship many women are settling for far less than they deserve, and who hesitate to speak their truth. Often a “yes” is said, when a “no” would be more appropriate. Sometimes they put up with certain behaviors because they are afraid to take a stand.

Women who do not have an equal place in relationships with men need to take responsibility for themselves. Women need to know that they deserve to be totally loved, accepted and heard. They need to know that their voice is equally as powerful and needed in the relationship as the man’s.

Many women are aware of the possibility of a totally equal relationship with a man, but are unaware of how to attain this. The whole key is in knowing that we as women deserve this. This is our birthright and it is time to fully bring it into being.

When women do not feel that they deserve full equality in the relationship, they will do several things:

First, and most common, they will suppress their needs, making their partners needs more important. This is codependence.

Second, they will take an attitude of “all men are out to use me; therefore I will avoid them.” This is the paranoid approach.

The third is to use anger and nagging to try to get the love and equality they are wanting. This is trying to be outwardly powerful, but lacks love of self, and therefore is but a desperate attempt.

None of these methods work. What is needed is to go right to the source of the difficulty, the feeling of being undeserving or not worthy of love. A woman can enjoy an equal role with her partner, be loved, accepted and heard. She must first be willing to feel worthy of such love from a partner.

When a woman truly knows herself and therefore, knows that she deserves love and respect, then she will naturally draw that out of her partner. They will want to love her in a special way because she loves herself in a special way. A woman who knows that she is worthy will be able to communicate her needs to a partner in a way that makes them want to give to her.

I want to fully support women in letting go of all feelings of unworthiness and coming fully into the realization of divine birthright and value. We, as women, deserve to be seen, heard, loved and honored in our relationships. We will then have the power to love and honor our partners, for they deserve this same special love.

 

Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are passionate about conscious relationship and personal-spiritual growth. They are the authors of 10 books and a free audio album of sacred songs and chants. Visit their web site at SharedHeart.org for their free weekly inspirational videos and monthly e-heartletter, their updated schedule, and inspiring past articles on many topics about relationship and living from the heart.

 

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